17-19 February 2006

Jungle Jim led throughout to win TCP VII at Yarrawonga Golf Course in Mulwala. Jungle has improved his game at a rapid rate in the past 12 months.  At Murray Downs in 2005 his 3 round score was 331 which is 38 points more than his Yarrawonga score of 293. That works out to a 13 point improvement per round.

Second place went to the flying Frenchman Zidane on countback from Skippy who would have won had we given him a decent handicap. Zidane rattled home on the last day shooting 84 off the stick, obviously aided by the decent greens which allowed him to take advantage of his wizardry with the putter. Skippy followed up his 4th the previous year with 3rd on countback.

Jungle Jim sinks a 100 incher to win TCP Cup VII by 5 strokes.

Shirley the 2005 champion hands the coveted TCP Cup Perpetual trophy to the 2006 Champion Jungle Jim.

Unfortunately the condition of the Murray course was not up to standard for a major tournament. The greens had been cored a week earlier and were left with huge holes and lots of uneven sand. This made putting a nightmare both from a direction and speed perspective. In addition, this course which was one of my favourites has not received the precipitation that it needs to bare its teeth. Most of the water hazards were dry and the rough was dry and low, consequently it did not penalise you for playing wayward shots. Having said that, it played the same for everybody and the guys who adapted best took the money.

The weather once again was excellent for mid summer. Friday's afternoon round was tough going with the temperature gauge hitting the mid to high 30s. The weekend rounds were played in ideal conditions - no wind and temperatures starting at about 20 and working up to 30 in the early afternoon. For the 7th consecutive year we have not been rained on at TCP Cup.

Congratulations must go to the handicapper Newman (and golflink) who got the numbers spot on again. The winner played to par and the equal seconds shot 5 over. Interestingly the golflink players filled the first 7 positions and Shirley who finished 10th would have won if he had not carried the double whammy 6 point penalty.   

Jungle Jim shot to the top of the leaders board on day one shooting 92 off the stick for nett 67. He followed that up with nett 74 second round to be equal leader on 140. Skippy shot the lights out on day 2 with 86 (67) to be equall leader on 140. In 3rd spot was The Pontiff on 144 after having 88 and 98. Making up the final group was the  last group specialist Argy Bargy on 145 after scores of 98/87. In the second last group were Zidane (149), Sir Les (150), Slick (151) and Smokin (153).

Zidane flashed home with 84 on the last day to finish second on countback.	Skippy put in another solid performance for third after finishing fourth the previous year.	The Pontiff's magic putter failed to deliver when the whips were cracking.

The leaders stuggled on the last day with the last group scoring an aggregate of 405. Argy Bargy came to grief early when the friggin agget decided it wanted to land in bushes 2 times on the par 5 which resulted in a 9 and he gave up after that. The Pontiff made a run towards the end of the first 9, but a poor tee shot on 10 hit the ladies tee sign (side on 1cm) and bounced back 60 metres into the bunker protecting the previous hole. The noose tighted, the wheels fell off an that was that!

Skippy played shyzen, missing a lot of easy putts and getting the chunks on one of the middle holes. He did though pull it together in the finishing holes to tie for a solid second on 220. Amidst the carnage around him Jungle Jim kept his nerve in the opening 5 holes extending his lead probably to double figures. He then had some bad breaks finishing in bushes and losing a ball and at the half way mark was under pressure. Coming home though he pulled his game together to record a deserved win by 5 shots shooting a nett 215. Second on countback was Zidane who shot 84 on the last day to move him up from 5th to 2nd. Skippy came in third and The Pontiff was fourth. In 5th place was The Knight who shot 3 consecutive 88s and 6th was Smokin Joe who came home with a nett 73 to complete a hat trick of 6th place finishes in the past 3 years.

Winner Jungle Jim

Runner-Up Zidane

Third Skippy

Fourth The Pontiff

Fifth The Knight

Notable performances during the 3 days were:

Day 1 - Jungle Jim 66, The Pontiff 67, TCW 69, The Rock 88, Max 97
Day 2 - Argy Bargy 67, Skippy 67, Max 90
Day 3 - Zidane 71, Buddha 88, Max 91

The battle for the NAGA was a non-event. Max returning after a 2 year break sucked! He shot 113, 106 and 107 for an aggregate of 326 which was 54 strokes worst than the 272 he shot at Horsham two years earlier. Playing of 16 he finished with a nett 278 which was 33 strokes clear of a triple dead heat for second last. Tied for 2nd last on nett 245 were Springer, Monty and Buddha. Buddha shot 114 on the last day which was a meritorious effort considering the amount of alcohol he consumed over the weekend. On day 2 on the first tee Buddha smacked the tee 50 metres, but unfortunately the ball only went 2 metres to the loud applause of the gallery. Buddha proceeded to bare his arse and saggy testicles to the bemused gallery who were lost for words. Another TCP magic moment from the great man!

The Division 2 championship became a two horse race between the two hunters - Snake and Crocodile. The Crocodile was on fire in the first two rounds shooting 73 and 69 setting up a 10 shot lead coming into the final round. They cleared out from the rest of field with Jars in third place 26 strokes behind the Snake.

Snake motivated himself on the Saturday night by hunting bush pigs. There was talk of some foul play during the hunt and a protest was lodged by his fellow hunter who alleged that Snake moved into his barrier stall unannounced just before he was about to jump. The stewards Knight, Bishop and Rook dismissed the appeal as the evidence was inconclusive and they were too spiflicated to think.

On the Sunday the Snake steamed home shooting a PB 112 off the stick for a nett 72. The Crocodile failed to stay the trip shooting an inglorious nett 96 which meant that the Snake won the Div 2 chamionship with a leg in the air. Tied for second were the Crocodile and Jars who flashed home with a nett 70. Big effort by the Jars who was stumbling and sputtering around our balcony at 3.30am that morning after consuming 63 beers amongst other shyte!

Winner    Snake	Equal Second Crocodile	Equal Second Jars	Fourth   Soprano	Fifth        The Bear

Also shooting great gross scores on the last day were Soprano 111, Yogi 106 and The Bear 117. As usual Toy Boy played shit shooting 152, 143 and 148. Did most of his good work at the Ski Club on the Saturday night; although once again played well but did not score. But he did finish up with some phone numbers so all was not lost.

Snake Baker shows off his trophy to his adoring fans.	Jars runner up after taking out the title the previous year.	Crocodile brings up the trifecta which includes two members of the hunting team.

A number of folk did their best work off the course. Six punters decided that 3 days of festivities were not enough and headed up the highway on the Thursday. The pope mobile arived just after midday with the champion Crows midfielder and the white Gladstone Small in tow. A short time later the Cohuna truck roared into Yarrawonga which hailed the arrival of The Knight. The Knight brought along his secret weapon; the Jaidyn Lesky, which made The Pontiff's esky from the year before look like a miniatiare wheely bin. Later in the afternoon the couple made in heaven rolled into town - The Bandit and Shirley.

In the best tradition of TCP Cup, the magnificent six got stuck into the cans and then headed to town in the Prada. A great meal was had at the pub and much more medicine was consumed. Back into the Prada with the Diet Coke drinking meat head TCW at the helm was a dangerous equation. That 1 mile trip took about 22 seconds with the Prada leaping over speed humps at 60kph like a Grand National runner. Not real comfortable for the passengers, very painful for Shirley who was on his haunches in the rear boot area of the Prada.

Les arrived in the truck with Jaydyn. Over the weekend he decided that as he was being touted as Sir Les, he would coin himself The Knight	TCW when he had a neck. Drove the Prada like a maniac - which is standard procedure in Asia.

Festivities continued at the Pontiff Hilton until the early hours of the morning. The time was not wasted as Shirley and The Bandit agreed on a winner take all head to head $18,000 bet. In addition, a hasty executive meeting of the TCP commitee agreed to accept a $150 bribe, sorry donation fromThe Bandit to alter his day 1 tee, so that he played after Shirley. We finally cleared the Pontiff Hilton at just after 3.00pm but like the Big Brother house we finished up with an intruder. The Bandit was not able to cope with the gases produced by Shirley after his big dinner and finished up on a mattress in our lounge room floor.

The Friday night started with dinner at the Golf Club and then moved to the respective rooms for most folk. The hunters did their home work and headed to the Ski Club where all the action was. Most of the hunters were back at the Hilton for a beer by midnight with the exception of messrs Snake and Bob the Builder. At about 12.30 pm the The Pontiff was perched on his balcony sucking another can and a cigar. Gazing out towards Lake Mulwala; suddenly, some shadows emeged besides the tennis courts. As they moved closer he realised it was the reptile and the builder with two others. The Pontiff was confused as these two strapping young fellas appeared to be with their mothers and it seemed strange they they would bring them to Yarrawonga and play golf in the middle of the night. After re-assessment of the situation by the TCP committee it was ascertained that these two ladies were not their mums, but in fact young ladies that these two masters had mustered up.

Another post 3.00am finish for the committee and yes, we had an intruder again. This time there was some mis-communication between the relatives Van-Unen and Page and the decision was made for the latter to spend the night in our lounge again.

Springer hits one out of the park. Seems to swing the willow a bit better than the golf stick.	Newman lets one go with the a classical out swingers action

On Saturday afternoon some of the lads decided to have a game of cricket in the tennis courts. They attracted a crowd of on lookers including some prominent fillies that had been linked to two TCP players.

Sections of the big crowd that was on hand to watch the cricketers in action.	The crowd clap politely as Springer puts another one into the grandstand.

The Saturday night once again started at the Yarrawonga Club where we all had dinner. Another balmy night and the boys were thirstly and raring to go. The drinking pace was exhaustive as free drinks were in order thanks to the $150 contributed by The Bandit for the 1st round draw manipulation and another $100 we got from the pro shop to compensate for the Simpson desert greens. Interesting how hard some blokes go when they don't have to stick their hand in their pocket!!

After dinner The Knight and Jars had the TAB buzzing as the third letter R syndicate was in full swing. With these two at the helm they controlled an enthusiastic work force that operated like a well oiled machine. There were odds watchers, bet placers, money counters and hangers onners all dedicated to this money making cause. After 4 hours of entertainment the brains trust managed to lose all the money and when their disciples deserted them they had one last bet and the bastards cleaned up.

Out in the courtyard area Skippy, Slick and The Buddha were demolishing their 19th bottle of wine. Little did The Pontiff know that they were hatching a plan to start a veteran's tournament. At the time The Pontiff thought it was a great idea as the toll of three days of drinking made him feel close to Skippy's age 60.

Meanwhile, a drama was unfolding in the bistro. The Bandit was flashing his Platinum Amex and negotiating a bit more 'draw manipulation' in an effort to gain an advantage over Shirley who had taken his money in the first two rounds. Some of the punters felt that the draw manipulation was not in the interest of the TCP Cup and complained bitterly to The Pontiff who decided that the draw maniplulation would not be allowed in this instance.

The Platinum Amex	Skippy planning the veteran's tour.

There will be a sub-committee meeting held later this year where the issue of draw manipulation will be debated. Although there is anger from some sections of the electortae about the Bandit's arrogance in trying to pay his way into a better draw. This needs to be weighed against the electorate's willingness to freely accept the tax cuts, drink money, beer, tshirts and other goodies that this flamboyant right wing antagonist brings to the table.

The festivities then headed to the Ski Club. Fortunately I was in the company of The Bandit who rang his personal Yarrawonga cab driver to pick us up. How well connected is this great man! The Ski Club was rocking and rolling and circumvoluting. The Crocodile and the Toy Boy were on fire courting what looked to be two young female weight lifters. Dicky Dunn was strolling around talking to all the young fillies like he owned the joint. The Bandit was having SMS sex on his Blackberry while the three wise men continued to drink themselves into oblivion. The beers soon became bourbons and then shots were the order of the day; a great time had by all. On to the bus and back to the Hilton for some drinking chocolate or hot milo.

Back at the ranch we decided that bourbons or whisky would be a better way to wrap up the night. There was lots of stumbling and spluttering going on here. Toy Boy tried to play comedian after too many drinks but his jokes were nowhere near as funny as his golf swing. The Knight tried some of his old routines but kept repeating himself. Jars had a major sway going but managed to stay in the vertical for the duration. Must have been something on those Marlboros that smelt a bit funny.

Toy Boy, not only a crap golfer, also a poor comedian.	Muscles TCW popular with the boys as he shows them the the scans of his rectum.

In the early hours of Sunday morning there was a lightning appearance from The Builder who lodged a protest against Snake for alleged interference as he was about to get in the horizontal in the stall. The committee threw the protest out after evidence from Snake that suggested that this was not a real race but just a time trial.

Overall a great weekend and I do not remember hearing of any major complaints about cheating on the golf course. It was great to have some of our great personalities back, that add a bit of spice to the weekend - TCW, The Bandit, Springer and Max. Many thanks to the The Bandit for providing tshirts and goodies for all the boyz, plus the 150 buck drinking money. Thanks also to Soprano for organising the drinks and donating the wine magnum , plus a number of other goodies. Thanks to Crocodile for arranging the caps, TCW for doing the scoring and off course Shirley for the great Golden Greek top the spurred me to 88 on the first day. Lastly a big thank you to my minders who did all the little things that make it possible for the weekend to run smoothly - Jars, The Knight and Newman.

As Gomer Pyle would say "thank you, thank you, thank you" to all the rest of the folk who contributed with prizes and other stuff. Congratulation again to Jungle Jim for his fabulous performance and hail Jungle Jim the worthy TCP Cup champion for 2006. That is all, thank you very much, good luck with your projects and see you all at Barnbougle Dunes in 2007.