9-11 February 2007

For the first time in TCP Cup history the 2007 event was played off the mainland in Bridport, Tasmania. Twenty-six punters made the trip across Bass Strait to Barnbougle Dunes to compete in the toughest 5th major in the tournament's history. High scores were the order of the the weekend as the difficult golf course coupled with windy conditions made a mess of most punters' handicaps and egoes.

Amidst the carnage only one man was able to tame the conditions, The Rock. With a 3 round total of 232 The Rock led from start to finish to become the second man to win 2 TCP Cup titles. In second place was The Pontiff who once again failed to do the business when it counted. Making it an all Greek trifecta was the handsome rookie Sterge who shot three 85s off the stick which was great going in the conditions. In fourth place was The Cougar who played three solid rounds and made a major impact off the field.

Barnbougle Dunes is a unique challenging golf course. The condition of the course may not be at the level of the sanbelt courses in Melbourne, but this is a genuine links course built on sand dunes and open to the vagaries of the weather. The deep natural rough, undulating faiways and greens and the windy and sometimes wet conditions made it real links golf challenge that the TCP Cup punters had not experienced in previous trips to the forgiving Murray River courses.

Although we had some stormy weather on the Saturday morning which forced the postponement of the morning round, we are able to complete the round in the afternoon without getting wet. Due to the difficult conditions and the warning from staff that snakes had been spotted in the rough , the rules commitee elected to play the Irish drop rule. This rule treats wayward lost jungle balls the same as a lateral water hazard, wherby the ball is dropped at the point of entry into the jungle. This worked well keeping the game moving, helping minimise blow outs to snow men rather than tens and allowing punters to negotiate some of the more difficult tees.

Even though the long grass killed most of us, the hole that than caused the most migraines was the cute little 98 metre par 3 on the front nine. I only saw one guy stick it on and only one score of better than 4. A fabulous golf hole!

 
Hole 7 Barnbougle Dunes - 110 metres Par 3 from Black Tee. 98 metres from Blue tee used for TCP Cup.

On day 1 the wind blew reasonably hard resulting in high scoring all round. Only low single figure players Sterge and Shirley broke 90 and there were two scores of 120 plus. Showing the way early were The Rock and The Pontiff with nett 76s. Next was Zidane with 79 followed by three punters tied on 81, Sterge, Smokin Joe and The Cougar. Next was Shirley with an 84 and the rest were 10 strokes back after one round. Only 7 blokes broke 100 consequently there were many punters looking to de-throne The Pontiff who brought them to this golf hell hole in the middle of nowhere.

On day 2, things got worst! It rained non-stop all morning which resulted in the postponement of the morning tee times. Fortunately the rain stopped and round 2 was completed in the afternoon. Once again the wind blew, even harder than the first day resulting in even worse scoring. Best performer were Slick who shot 90 off the stick for nett 77, followed by Gareth 78, Max 79 and Jungle Jim 79. The leaders did not change with The Rock and The Pontiff both recording nett 82, to be equal first on 158. On 162 was Sterge, followed by Gareth on 165 who made up the final group. Still in it was The Cougar and Slick who were on 166 and 167.

The Rock checks the results in the paper to make sure he is in front.	Gareth and The Pontiff happy to be in the last group together.

Day 3 proved to be the easiest day as we played early in the morning when the wind was slight and the tees were well up making the course a lot shorter. Consequently half the field broke 100 and there was not as many blow outs. The Rock did not give anybody a chance by playing flawless golf and coming in with the best nett score for the weekend of 74. He shot 89 off the stick and was one of only four players to break 90 on the last day. The others were all low single handicappers - Sterge, Shirley and The Bandit. This was some performance by The Rock improving his gross score from Yarrawonga the previous year by 4 strokes on a course that must have been 10 strokes harder. What was even more meritorious was that he has only played a handful of games in the previous 12 months. On the final day he did not miss a fairway and his short game was as good as Sterge who is a noted as a professor in this aspect of the game. So the people's champion joins the Shirley as a dual TCP Cup winner which is some effort for someone who has never been a member of a golf club.

The Rock wins his second TCP Cup; 2006 winner Jungle Jim hands him the coveted trophy.	Toy Boy takes  the Division 2 title with a scintillating display of power golf.

Finishing second was The Pontiff who could  not get his game together coming in with a 97 on the last day when Barnbougle Dunes did not bare it's teeth.  In third place was Sterge who recovered from a horror front 9 to shoot his third consecutive gross 85 which was solid golf at this joint. Fourth was The Cougar who flew under the radar with three solid rounds. Fifth was Shirley who would have finished second if he did not carry the 4 stroke handicap for being a dual winner. Next in were The Bandit who finished well, Smokin Joe who had good first and third rounds, and Gareth and Max who had good middle rounds.

The low markers - looking immaculate and pretending they like each other.	The Pontiff, The Knight and Jars can not get their hands on the real cup so tried steal some from Barney Dunes.

The NAGA went to Skippy who had a shocking round 1 after a sleepless Thursday night in which he traveled on the ferry from Melbourne to Devenport then caught a bus to Barnbougle Dunes on the Friday morning. He was challenged by The Knight who was in the NAGA position after day 2 but pulled out a 90 off the stick on day 3 to climb up to position 15. TCW and Barnesy were also there challenging and just ahead of them were reigning champ Jungle Jim and Newman who also had bad weekends.

Max hands over the imitation NAGA jacket to Skippy	TCW could not get the ball in the hole. Practicing what he does best with the Singaporean lady boy.

We thank Skippy for choosing to spend the weekend with us after the sad death of his mother in the week leading up to the TCP Cup. He saved TCW from the NAGA who could not fire after having to walk a golf course for the first time since joining the Asian tour 8 years ago. He rectum suffered so badly that he had to have an operation when he returned back to Singapore to remove two 6 foot long haemmers.

The Division 2 championship was a magnificent contest with all seven combatants being in the race at some point during the 3 days. The committee made a allowed them to better enjoy the contest.  The handicapper based the handicaps on previous TCP form which brought some interesting results.

At the completion of 2 days there were three equal leaders on 141 - Toy Boy, Snake and The Bear. Two behind on 143 was the Gaffer, and three further back on 146 was Crocodile. So five guys were separated by five strokes coming into the last round. In a grandstand finish Toy Boy and The Gaffer went shot for shot to tie on 208. They streeted Snake Baker and the Bear by 10 shots. After employing a countback the Division 2 title was awarded to Toy Boy a young fella who has worked hard on his game to reach this pinnacle of hacker's golf. He may have been assisted by a luxury handicap of 62, but he still had to get out there and do the business under the intense competition which is Div 2. This has qualified him for a start in next year's Nationwide tour. Interestingly Toy Boy has the worst score off the stick beating The Gaffer who played vintage golf  scoring a 3 day gross aggregate of 328. He must have been on the same stuff that The Rock was on! This score was lower than the last 7 in the main draw but it must be said that the tees that the main group played off made the course infinitely harder.

Division 2 contenders Gaffer and Crocodile ham it up. While the Toy Boy keeps a low profile in the shadow of The Bear.	Snake Baker always in contention in Division 2 with Gareth and the Hunter BOG  at Bridport barnesy.

Finishing third was Mr Reliable Snake Baker who keeps on improving his golf each year. Fourth was The Bear who ran out of condition and was looking for somewhere to hibernate after being forced to walk the course due to Barnbougle Dunes' no cart policy. In 5th place was Crocodile who failed to flatter on the last day after being thereabouts after round 2. Sixth was the other bear Yogi and bringing up the rear was former winner Jars who did not fire a shot.

All in all it was a tough weekend at the office which left the organiser questioning whether TCP Cup's offshore venture was a good idea. There were three scores of 120 plus posted and only 8 of the 19 players broke 100 in any round. Ah well, guess the course played the same for everybody and shit happens!

What made matters worst was that the poor conditions that the Hunters had to endure off the course. The quality of the fillies in Bridport can best be described as shyzenhausen.

The weekend started well with Jetstar and Virgin managing to get all the boys to Launceston  on time. Slick came over on the ferry as did Skippy who decided to come overnight on the Thursday ferry. Those who traveled on the bus From Launceston to Barnbougle Dunes were entertained by Barnacle Bobby Hammond who fixed us up with cans early in the trip and acquired an esky for us. Dinner on Thursday and Friday night's was had at the club house which puts on a great feed. Lot's of ink was had and then festivities moved to the huts where there the usual hard luck stories flowed and a bit of card playing was happening. During the first night it emerged that there was a superstar amongst us who was working under cover. Yeah Sterge is real handsome and as smooth off the course as he is on, but alas there was a greater man amongst us. It emerged that playing the 5th major was The Cougar. There it was, those sleek panther like movements, that body made for pumping and that disgraceful moustache. Once his cover was lifted The Cougar entertained the boyz with his full repertoire of tricks writing himself into TCP Cup folklore.

The Bus Driver from hell Barnacle Bob	The Cougar being himself.

On the Saturday night we all headed down to the Bridport Inn for dinner and drinks. This pub was recommended by Barnacle Bob who seemed to treat the place as his second home and was obviously getting a sling. Unfortunately there was no talent there for the Hunters who focused on the singer of the local band who looked like she opened bottle tops with her flaps. The Hunters were shown up by The Lurv Machine Barnesy who picked up one of the local gals who was twice his weight and had more tatts than George Adams. In a virtuoso display Barnesy even went the tit grapple in a inspirational performance that gave him the 3 votes for Best on Ground in the hunting stakes.

Those of us who over-indulged in the liquor got to meet the Town Mayor and the mud wrestling champion of Bridport. She suggested that she was offered $20K to come out of retirement but she was so fat and ugly I would not pay ten rupees to see here in a bathing outfit covered in mud. As usual The Bandit was spastic and was trying to do a deal with the locals to bring the fat mud wrestler out of retirement for a one only appearance at the Ferrari Club. On the flip side his brother in law Max decided that this was a harsh place - thought he was the Deli Lama and started walking back to Barnbougle Dunes. Maybe a bit mis-guided considering it was four miles away via a unsealed road with no lights to be seen. Rumour has it that this now holy man completed the walk in one hour. But there is a school of thought that Barnacle Bob found him on the side of the road talking up the value of Landmark to a gum tree, rescued him and delivered home to a warm bed.

Zidane and Smokin threatened. Finished 6th and 7th. Monty played average but managed a top ten finish.	Two holy men who love and respect each other. One decided to walk from Bridport to Barnbougle the other caught the bus.

Barnacle Bill took us back home on the bus and the stayers decided to drink some more and play cards. The Knight was in a bad mood as he was in the NAGA position and fed up with the party always being at his and The Pontiff's place. He relocated the card game and the party to Shirley's Room. As we worked into the early hours of the morning the body language on the big Shirley was no good. In a master stroke, he made his feelings obvious to all and sundry by undressing down to nothing and doing a parade and jiggle before throwing himself into bed. At this point the punters got the message and all departed and called it quits. Obviously this act of streaking helped get Shirley psyched for Round 3 as he came out and shot the low score for the weekend, 80 off the stick. Les too, did the business to shoot 90 and move well clear of the NAGA.

The Rock signalling how many goals Geelong beat Collinwood by.	The Kalamatta brothers, Olive Tree tycoons.

We will not be going to Barnbougle Dunes again as the course is too tough for most, there is nothing for the Hunters to do off the course and their management leaves a lot to be desired. Having said that, the boys had a great time and in time will appreciate that their visit to this fabulous unique golf course.

Next year we head to the Murray River again to play the first dual course TCP Cup. There will be one round at Cohuna on the Friday afternoon and then weekend rounds on each of the two Rich River courses at Mulwala. We will be staying at the Rich River Resort which has great drinking and gambling facilities. Furthermore we will be a few kilometres from Echuca which is a vibrant town that has plenty of places where the Hunters can chase some skirt. Bring it on!

Click here to view TCP VIII Barnbougle Dunes 2007 Photo Gallery